Cano, Jay-Z & WWE

Cano receives a full no-trade clause, a source told ESPN’s Jim Bowden.

The player and his agents met Thursday night in Seattle with the Mariners’ top executives, and the source said the team made them an offer they couldn’t refuse.

The source said Cano, 31, will return to Seattle on Sunday and will undergo a physical Monday to complete what would be the third-largest contract in baseball history, tied with the one Albert Pujols signed with Los Angeles Angels three years ago.

John Sterling home run calls

The radio voice of the Yankees, John Sterling, has no doubt been thinking about home run calls for the newly acquired Yankees since December. For the last twelve years or so, they’ve become something of a trademark for him, as he dishes them out liberally to even obscure players like David Adams (“David is Goliath!”) and Steve Pearce (“Pearce is fierce!”). Most fans actually look forward to these delightfully awful quips every year, the same way that cringing viewers look forward to more Tosh.0 video clips. Here’s a sampling of some of the gems that Sterling has dropped on us over the years:

“Bernie goes boom! Bern, baby, Bern!” – for Bernie Williams

“Shane Spencer, the home run dispenser!” – for Shane Spencer

“Jorgie juiced one!” – for Jorge Posada

“It’s a thrilla, by Godzilla! The Sayonara Kid does it again!” – for Hideki Matsui

“It’s an A-bomb, from A-Rod! Alexander the Great conquers again!” – for Alex Rodriguez

“The Melk Man delivers! And that’s just the Melky Way!” – for Melky Cabrera

“It’s a home run from Robbie Cano! Don’t ya know!” – for Robinson Cano

“Mark sends a Tex message to [location of home run]! You’re on the Mark, Teixeira!” – for Mark Teixeira

“Oh, Curtis, you’re something sort of grandish! The Grandy Man can, oh, The Grandy Man can!” – for Curtis Granderson

If history tells us anything, it’s that Sterling’s calls for the Yankee newcomers will be somewhere between simply unnecessary, such as “Jacoby jacked one!” or “Beltran belts it!”, and painfully outdated, such as “Brian lights a McCanndle in the wind!” or “Roberts Plants one on the stairway to heaven!” Either way, we can’t wait to hear them and react accordingly.

Which newbie do you think will get the most cringe-worthy home run call? Vote below and take a stab at the call in the comments.

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